cpacaide's Xanga

I'd be healthier if I were fat

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:33:38 GMT

21 July 2009

You saw her gorging herself with the creamiest soups and the most fat-laden meals. Every ten minutes, you saw her stuffing her face: chips, cookies—name any junk food and she’ll be eating it. And yet, despite that lifestyle, she still managed to look… thin !

The rules of sorority dictates one must loathe her who makes the rest of us look bad. Thanks to her, we’re expected to keep a size 0 for the rest of our lives.

But then, she doesn’t have it easy too. In a society, where being thin and light is equivalent to being healthy & fit, she lives in a fall sense of security.

While the rest of the “fat'” world exercise and eat their greens, thin people keep munching their way into internal obesity. Admittedly, I was one of them. I prided in my “bottomless stomach” & the exercise I didn’t need.

After watching Jamie Oliver’s Eat to Save Your Life, I was—in their words—“gobsmacked.” I’d like to live till 30, thank you very much.

So yesterday, I ran 2 clicks. Today, I did some strengthening. And I’ve finally persuaded my mom to let me try making the meal plan for a week.

Does it hurt? Absolutely! This’ll be such a change from my current lifestyle.

Wish me determination!

I am, therefore I write

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 04:51:54 GMT

19 July 2009

Rapid clicking fills the room as my fingers flutter over the keyboard.

Within seconds, the thoughts that tumbled haphazardly in my head finally finds it place. Letters arrange themselves into phrases, and as if by some fantastical power, my fingers become an extension of my soul.

It’s an odd feeling.

Writing. Creating. The exploration of a realm that is beyond me.

Suddenly, I’m free. I’m not held back by the ideas of “impossibility”.

I write, because it is in that moment, when it’s just between me and my pen (or in this case, the computer)--when I allow myself to--I am finally able to reconcile dreams and reality.

organic.
There's the word. That's what writing is.

I’ve missed this.

Czarina goes to court, dons legal robes

Thu, 14 May 2009 02:22:32 GMT

Gloomy, wet, perfect: the best words to describe today.

Leaving behind sprinkles of rain here and there, school's Law class entered the modern, majestic walls of the Provincial Courthouse--and I'm not even kidding about the majestic part.

The highlights:

tour of courtroom, judge's bench, jury deliberation chambers
meetings with sheriff, judge, RCMP officer, Crown counsel
super accomodating judges with excellent senses of humour
watching trials in progress
mock trials for the Big Bad Wolf
(Which by the way, prosecution had a horrible case. No wonder defence found it so easy to poke holes.)

It was such an amazing learning experience! From the truth about defence counsels, to the pillars of sentencing, to the fact that lawyers actually have family lives--there's so much to take in!

Going back to regular school is going to be so, for lack of a better word, blaaah after this. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the experience

... and start counting down the days till I graduate. :)

DPDO2AT: dunzo political drama, off to awesomer things

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 05:40:23 GMT

11 April 2009

Passion is awesome. Usually. Until it becomes the entire topic of every single conversation of every single moment of every single day.

Lately, I've noticed how I've been so engrossed with politics that my posts have either become rants, sensational, or uplifting of the trivial. For that, I apologize. That's not the person I want to be, and I'm sick of how irrationally emotional this blog's posts have become.

So, getting of the PMS-train, I'm joining a revolution to fight embitterment and learn to re-focus on the more important things in life.

Czarina's day 1: Grace in small things
Reserving university seats and getting the schedule you want.
Four-day weekends!
Movie nights with family.
Having the world at your fingerpints (Hello internet!)
Phone conversations with family at the other side of the world

What's your top 5 today?

disillusioned

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 02:17:00 GMT

7 April 2009

Our political process sucks !

There. I said it.

You may now call me a traitor, an ungrateful immigrant, an ignorant teenager who needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.

In the meantime, let me tell you a story.

The other night, I went and volunteered at a candidate's campaign headquarters(HQ). I was actually pretty excited about it and was eager to do anything to help.

Arriving at HQ, I was taught how to "man" the phones. There I was, script on computer, random phone number in sight, and surveying away. I ended up calling more than 60 houses that night. But the funny thing was, I didn't feel accomplished at all.

I left that place feeling violated. I felt sick and disgusted by what I was doing. Calling random strangers up, trying to get on their good side, not caring what time it is (dinner-ish).

I learned a couple of things that night:

Politics is a numbers game.
It doesn't matter who actually likes you and how good your platform is. What matters is translating that support into numbers in the voting polls.
There are people who are just apathetic.
They don't care who gets voted in. Usually, these people are the most outspoken critics of the government.
There are people who are extremely partisan when they vote.
"Sorry, I only vote [insert pary here]."
"Oh! He's a [party A]? Okay, I'll vote for him."
And all these without even knowing what the candidate's platforms are.
People hate being called during dinner time.
No duh.
Telemarketers have pretty crappy jobs.
People usually hate you. And it's not your faut you sound like robots.

I didn't even mind that people were rude or outspoken. But it bugged me how issues didn't matter.

Politics, at least from what I've seen, isn't really trying your best to make a difference in your community. It's about getting that spot at Parliament Hill, getting that hefty pension plan secured. It's about photo ops and putting on a face of actively caring. It's about popularity and fame.

We need better representation--and younger people--in Parliament (and Legislative Assemblies)! People who are actually in touch with what this society needs.

I wonder, if politics didn't pay so much, would anyone even bother doing it?

on Networking & Climbing the Political Ladder

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:51:47 GMT

05 April 2009

Never in a million years have I imagined I will be mingling with the Deputy Mayor! Just goes to show you how thick my face has gotten being able to go up to semi-strangers like that. :P But I’m so glad I did.

She was so nice and after talking to her a bit, she actually connected me with an MLA’s campaign manager.

This girl’s off to the elections, lah!

Monday after school, I’m off to Headquarters. Nervous? A bit, yea. Which is potentially very bad considering how I blabber incoherently when I’m nervous. But hopefully a level head will win over.

And now, more than ever, I’ve realized that:

It’s important not just to dream, but to get involved and do things to make your dream happen.

Making Change Happen: Breaking the Silence, Part 1 - the Planning

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:06:14 GMT

03 March 2009

On March 6, thousands of Canadian youth will gather at MTV Masonic Temple for one massive street concert. That night, their vow of silence will end and hopefully, bring awareness to the fact that every second child in the world lives in poverty.

As much as we would love to be in Toronto for the Break the Silence Concert, the Free the Children group in our school figured that it would be way way way too expensive. So, since we can't get there, we're bringing the concert home. Good idea, right?

except
there's one small glitch.

Today, we had an intense brainstorming/planning session on what we have to do. The list was overwhelming!

By April 24th, we have to get the following organized:

contact youth leadership groups around town
create committees & subcommittees
get sponsors, security
find event place (by March 24th)
open casting call for local youth talents
finalize list for performances (by April 6th)
print tickets, t-shirts, etc.
send out flyers, posters, radio ads
get newspaper coverage pre-, during, and post-event

And this list isn't even exhaustive!

Two months - spring break = enough time?

I sincerely hope so.

Justify Rape (Warning: Absolutely NOT for Kids!)

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 04:26:49 GMT

26 February 2007

"When girls dress like sluts, aren't they just asking to get raped?"

WTH?

We had an assembly at school about violence and some pig actually said that out loud!

Yes, but of course. Every girl wakes up in the morning and picks up an outfit thinking, "Gee, I'd like to get raped today." *

Never mind the fact that she lives in a society where MTV, fashion magazines, music, and what-have-you tell her that her role in life is to be a sex object. Unless she is sexified, she will never be "good" enough--she will never be fully accepted and recognized until she is "Vavavoom Hawt"!

Never mind the fact that no one chooses to be forcefully violated and treated like meat.

Never mind the fact that to rape is a choice. Lustful thoughts are one thing, but to actually physically force someone to---that's just sick!

We live in a society where we've become desensitized to violence. Fights, brawls, muggings, murders... These have all become normal to us.

But you know what's worse?

"When girls dress like sluts, aren't they just asking to get raped?"
When the Pig said that, the auditorium laughed.
Some hollered, some cheered.
Some were utterly, but silently, disgusted.

.footnote.
* sarcasm

Thank God I'm Boring

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 02:45:32 GMT

25 February 2009

She always knew the latest gossip. Of course, she would--she was one of Them.
Every other night, she would be partying; some nights forgotten the morning after.
Glamour. Power. Fame.
Her life played out like an MTV series.
Of course it would, she went to Drama High.

I used to wish I was her. Her life seemed so eventful, so exciting, so unlike mine.

I wake up every morning following routine.
My biggest nightmares were being late for class and missing school (literally).
No dramas at all.
School. Dance. Volunteer. Debate. Family. Friends. Repeat.
That was it. And it was boring.

Then I stopped.

To be honest, the first few months were fantastic.
For a brief moment, I was more carefree and it felt exhilarting.
But then the novelty wore off--I hated who I've become.
Never before had I felt so lost and so empty.

And I finally realized just how blessed I've had it.

Yes, my life is "boring." And while I will always still have my bucket list, I wouldn't have my life any other way.

♥ czarina,
February 2009

Not So Absentee

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:34:39 GMT

19 February 2009

"Hi, ninang."

Huh? My mom had just greeted me grinning from ear to ear. My eyebrow raised in a silent question. Did she just say "ninang?"

"You're going to be a ninang," my mom clarified, "a godmother."

Hah?

At that instant, my world stopped. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't think.

Part of me wanted to ask my cousin (the baby's dad) to reconsider. They must've made a mistake. I was afraid I wouldn't be a good enough godmother. I was frustrated that I wouldn't even be there to see her grow up. How could I even be what a godmother should be when I'm miles away from her? I wanted to say 'no,' rather than be an absent godparent who won't be there when she would need me. But then how do I say "no" to family?

But, the more I thought about it, the more my reservations went away. I wouldn't be able to touch her or be there for her physically, but I could still keep in touch. Thanks to the magic of internet & discount long-distance rates, I can talk to her and see her grow. Now, I have another motivation to get a job, so I could save enough to visit her. Being a present godmother doesn't have to be impossible.

Baby Sofia Laela, I am extremely honored to be your godmother. And I pray that I will be able to live up to the name and be the kind of person your parents trust me to be.